Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
