Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
