am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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