So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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