I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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