Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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