Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
