Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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