I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
