you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize