Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
