I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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