It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
