He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
