OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
