dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Randomize
