So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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