So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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