Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
