i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
North Korea, Best Korea!
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
