Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
