could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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