Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
