so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
