Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
