I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
