I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
