I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
