my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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