I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
