Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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