I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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