Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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