wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
