No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
