I wanna bring you to show and tell
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
