Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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