How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
