hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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