from now on my penis is your penis
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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