I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
