all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
