She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
