To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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