It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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