Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
