So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
