I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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