He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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