16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
