No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
