I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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