what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
