he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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