just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
