I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
