escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
