you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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