I've blown a few things in my day
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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