apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
