Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
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I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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