I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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