im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
