I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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