she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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