My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
