I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
the liver wants what the liver wants
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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