Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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