It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
