Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
the day after is always just damage control
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
