people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
