I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
