I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
