i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
