I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
