Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
