My hair reeks of homosexuality.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
