Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
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