btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Randomize
