I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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