Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The feeling are messing with the penis
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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